DID WE DIVORCE?
It took me a whole month to finally sit down and write to you guys, but I figured—maybe this is something I should do every 13th of the month. Like a little monthly update. I like the number 13 anyway.
So, what was I up to this month? Honestly… a lot.
Right before March ended, I finally launched my official mail club, and our very first character of the month is none other than Juni. I had so much fun putting everything together for each subscriber, and creating this alongside my artist has been such a thrilling experience. Let me walk you through what goes into each mail and why I chose them:
♥ Secret Penpals — You + A Stranger, connected through our mailing system.
~This is the feature I’ve been most excited about. I’ve always wanted to make this a two-way experience—not just me sending you letters, but you getting to send something back, too. I know it’s not the most practical idea, especially since I’m a one-woman team handling writing, design, packing, and shipping. Adding this on top of everything can get overwhelming. But at the end of the day, I chose this because I want to build real connections. Because maybe one day, I won’t have as much time to reach out to people the way I do now—and I want to cherish every moment and opportunity while I can.
♥ Character of the Month in a form of postcard.
♥ A Recipe inspired by that character’s favorite dish.
♥ An Author’s Note filled with inspiration and stories behind the month’s theme.
♥ Lore I called “The Manna Journal” with inclusions (like glossary entries, quotes from the book, and bits of worldbuilding)
And today, I’ll be sending these out to everyone who subscribed. How exciting!
When April came, though, I found myself pulling back from social media a bit. I even did a “spicy” little post about divorce on my Facebook wall (yes… that one).
Of course, people didn’t believe it—it was April Fool’s Day. But if I’m being honest, we did go through a really big fight. The kind that feels like the end of the world. I think that’s something people don’t talk about enough when it comes to marriage…that sometimes, every fight feels like it could be the last.
I don’t know if I should even be sharing this, but maybe it helps someone out there who’s going through something similar. Sometimes we get so frustrated that we don’t know how to fix things together, so we just shut down. I’ve learned that when both people stop trying, it becomes toxic. Small things turn into bigger things, and before you know it, resentment builds.
When I made that post, the feeling of “what if this really ends?” didn’t feel that far away. Then I thought about our vows. Our book together. This life we chose to spend with each other forever. What’s gonna happen?
I’ve been through a lot in past relationships, too. There were times I got hurt so badly that I didn’t know how to process it, so I’d go to extremes—ending things before they could end me. But I think I’ve learned that no one is perfect. People feel deeply, and sometimes they act out when they’re pushed to their limits. I’m not proud of that fight, but I am grateful that we still find ways to work through things.
Just this week, I also received both good and bad news from my family. I can’t really go into details, but it hurt, especially because it affected people I love.
It made me realize something: I need to be kinder to myself.
I tend to beat myself up whenever I can’t work because of something emotional. Lately, I haven’t been streaming or playing games. I’ve just been burying myself in work. Maybe because sadness still feels unfamiliar in a way I don’t want to revisit. I’ve been sad for a long time before, and I don’t ever want to go back to that place.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads these little rambles. Probably not. But weirdly enough, that thought feels comforting. It lets me be honest. It lets me feel safe.
And at the same time… my job is to be open. To be vulnerable. Because that’s where my writing comes from.
Now we’re almost halfway through the month again, and I’m actually really excited. I’ll be attending an event on the 25th–26th for Otaku Pop Fest. I was invited, and it’s my first sponsored event in a while. I might go alone and film something, I’m not entirely sure yet… but I’ll be there for both days. If you’re going, I hope I’ll see you there!
It feels good to be back in convention spaces again, surrounded by people who share the same interests. Before I started doing art conventions as a booth artist, I used to attend events as a content creator, just like this one. Those were some of my happiest memories. I got to meet internet friends and people who used to watch my streams.
This time, though, I’m especially excited to explore the anime booths because I will not stop until Eyes See You becomes an anime one day.
I remember writing recently while listening to BINI’s Coachella performance, and I just thought—wow, our country is really making a name out there. And that inspired me. Maybe one day, we’ll make it too, in the space we chose.
The road gets lonely sometimes. Right now, I believe in this dream so much. But I also know how much work it takes to make other people see it. Still, I’m grateful I’m here. I’m grateful for every hardship, every tear I’ve poured into this. Because I know it’s all going to be worth it.
Anyway, I know this entry is a bit all over the place. But if you made it this far, thank you so much. I hope my honesty didn’t push you away. And thank you for staying with me on this journey.
I hope I make you proud one day. ♡
Awww. You will go very far and I have been following you ever since you got preggy with Cails. Actually, you are one of the reasons I wanted my own family during and post college years. Lol.
And I get it, hubby and I usually have those moments but.. Througj it all, our marriage vows saved us for so many times. One thing I learned is that in a marriage, it’s a team. Staying in love os marriage, thats the real meaning of the commitment. if one doesnt agree, then both wont have to do it. We always make sure to put each other as our # 1 even over our child.
Stay in love you guys. Forgive yourself. And congratulations on your book again, i wish i could find the time to be in these moments of success. But ill always cheer for you from afar.