I'LL USE AI FOR THIS
Another 13th of the month, another entry from me. Where do I even begin?
Wow… May really is a month where you’ll say “come what may.”
A lot of fiascos are happening in the art space right now, so I guess let’s start there. I think one of the worst things that could happen to any organized event just happened. Let this thread explain it:
As someone who organizes events too, this honestly feels like a horror story. I never imagined an event as huge and successful as theirs could fail to secure the location. But as I got older, I learned to take things with a grain of salt. Everything is difficult, especially here in my beloved country, the Philippines. Sometimes it feels like we’re all playing life in Insanity Mode. The space is already competitive enough, and on top of that, crab mentality keeps eating us alive.
I remember back in elementary school, one of our subjects was Sibika at Kultura. One lesson talked about the worst Filipino traits we developed over time, and for some reason, those lessons stayed with me. Maybe because I’ve always been a writer at heart. Even as a kid, I understood how important culture is in shaping stories, worlds, and people. Maybe my teacher would be proud if she even remembered me.
Crab Mentality:
Filipinos love comparison and competition. That’s why titas will point out if you gained weight, or compare you to someone else’s child. We were raised in a culture where sometimes, when someone rises, the instinct is to pull them back down. And when you look through our history, so many times we were betrayed by our own people because they couldn’t see the bigger picture. Sometimes it becomes as simple as: “If you’re better than me, then you shouldn’t be.”
Ningas Kugon:
Starting strong but never finishing. Full of passion in the beginning, then slowly fading once things get difficult. I think that’s one of the saddest things ever. So many dreams die not because they were impossible, but because people got tired halfway through.
Bahala Na Syndrome:
I heard this so much growing up. People say it when they feel helpless, or when they stop trying altogether. But over time, I realized almost every obstacle has a solution. Maybe not the easiest one. Maybe not the one we want. But still, a solution. I believe in God deeply, but I also believe He gave us hands, minds, and hearts for a reason. I never wanted to live my life just waiting for things to happen to me.
I could go on forever, but these are the ones that stayed with me the most.
That’s why it hurts seeing all these issues happen in the space I live in. Every time I open my phone, there’s another problem, another disappointment, another thing making people lose hope. I wish people cared more about each other, but I know that sounds almost magical nowadays.
And now the arts community is suffering too.
Artists are already fighting against AI, exploitation, sexism, and critics who act like destroying art is a personality trait. And now we’re fighting against ourselves too. Because as we speak, they just announced they can no longer continue the event they’ve been promoting since last year.
It’s sad seeing things like this happen even to bigger events. Situations like this make people jaded. More guarded. More doubtful. Because how are people supposed to trust anything when accountability disappears and money always seems to become the bottom line? It really just sucks.
I guess I should feel lucky that I got accepted into 10 conventions this year and counting, but after all this, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared too. I know how hurt artists are right now. And it doesn’t help that the government itself already feels exhausting enough to live through. Everything about the environment lately feels like a creativity killer. How are people supposed to stay inspired in a place that keeps draining them?
I think I’m just the kind of person who can’t fully enjoy things when I know people around me are suffering too. But then again, when does anyone ever get to be fully happy? Maybe that’s just life.
What am I even rambling about anymore.
I wanted to talk about my personal life here too, honestly. Really badly. This is called “Dear Diary” for a reason but I don’t want to add more to the negativity around already. Maybe soon but maybe now isn’t the right time. I’m the type of person who speaks her mind freely, but the moment I realize I hurt someone, I delete everything and keep it to myself. So maybe I’ll just turn those feelings into something else instead. Writing. Art. Anything.
I just hope things feel lighter tomorrow morning.
That’s usually what I do when I’m sad. I sleep, wake up, and check if the feeling is still there. If I still feel the same. Or if something inside me finally cracked. Then that’s when I decide if I wanna do something about it.
Honestly, this is what AI should figure out. Human emotions.
If AI could truly understand what it feels like to be human, to hurt like this, or better yet fix it, maybe then I’d finally say I’m an AI user.